Reginald's Corner

It’s New Year’s Day and since you’re supposed to make a resolution, here’s mine:

In 2008, I will be just as talented, handsome, witty, and charming as I was last year. How can you improve on perfection?!?

The One, The Only,

Reggie

P.S. Happy 2008

After reading your comments - yes, I DO read them – I decided you are right. I need to amend my New Year’s Resolution. So here it is:

Thanks for inspiring me!

I would LOVE to share all the details of my forthcoming pranks, but anyone can read my blog and I wouldn’t want to let the cat out of the bag. You understand. Keep your eyes and ears open. I’m sure you’ll be hearing about my brilliant work.

Hey Arch, I read your last post and I have some advice for you. Leave town. That’s the only way you’ll avoid another Valentine’s Day blunder like last year’s!

On second thought, STAY! I can’t wait to see what sort of mess you get yourself in this time!

The Reg

So, I went to school this morning as usual, and as I was walking down the hall I passed Mr. Bee.

Geesh!!! Getting my title back is going to be tougher than I thought.

So, I saw Betty and Ron talking very seriously at lunch today and I was curious. So, naturally, I read Betty’s blog (because she talks about EVERYTHING in there. Girls.)

So, Bets and Ron are NOT gonna let Archie come between them this Valentine’s Day? Pardon me –

Okay, I’m back. I laughed so hard I fell off my chair.

Does ANYONE actually think that will happen? COME ON! We’re talkin’ Archie, Betty and Veronica here! All I can say is, this should be interesting. Can’t wait to see what happens.

Dear Adoring Fans,

Last week, I was falsely accused of pulling some pranks at school. Now, I wouldn’t mind if they were good pranks, but they were not. They were AMATEUR and NOT up to my standards.

For example, Thursday Jughead came to school and found pictures of apricots taped to his desk in EVERY CLASS he was in! The poor sap was GREEN. Okay, it was funny, but something I would do? I think not.

And filling Moose’s car with smelly sneakers? That’s an old one. And it’s dumb! I mean, who wants to get pounded by Moose?!? Not ME!

And I will.

Ladies, I DIDN’T DO IT! You’ve got the wrong guy, so STOP sending me those nasty text messages. I love you ALL - well, some of you anyway.

I’ve been called into Mr. Bee’s office twice this week and threatened with a head pounding by Moose.

I’m going on record here… Enough is Enough

Now these practical jokes, though somewhat humorous, are way beneath me.

All True and Great Practical Jokes have one thing in common-

I know someone is out to get me and if I ever find out who… well, then you’ll all see what a True and Great Practical Joke really is.

I have decided to compile a list of people I suspect could be responsible for all these incriminating pranks. I have nothing else to do tonight; my date cancelled. In fact, 5 girls cancelled dates with me this week. My social calendar is looking pretty bleak so I decided it’s time to start deducing in earnest.

Here’s my list of prime suspects. Feel free to add anyone I might have overlooked:

That’s the short list. See you later. I have some sleuthing to do.

I followed Dilton Doiley around all weekend and all I can say is B-O-R-I-N-G. What a geek! Know what he did this weekend? He went to the bookstore and spent 2 full hours in the science section. Then he browsed math and physics, astronomy, and technology. Do you know how many girls hang out in those sections?

Then he went to some geek convention over in Midvale. After that he went home and went to work in his lab. Unbelievable. I called it a day and went by Pop’s for a burger. Tonight I found out that shortly after I left someone pranked Pop’s. Of course, I was just in there, so everyone thinks it’s me.

You know what this means. Dilton isn’t the only one responsible for these pranks. He has an accomplice. Time to broaden my list of suspects.

This morning, my alarm went off. I jumped out of bed, got ready for school and left the house. I was tired – make that realllllly tired. I’ve been compiling a list of suspects – you know, people who might want to see me blamed for THEIR pranks. It’s not finished yet.

So, I got all the way to school and the parking lot was empty – except for The Bee’s car; he’s always there. I was confused. I looked at my cell phone. It said Monday, January 21, 2008. It’s a week day; there should be school. Right?

And then I saw it on the sign, plain as day. It said –

No School. January 21.

I forgot it’s Martin Luther King Jr. Day! I can’t believe it. This little mystery has me so preoccupied I completely forgot a school holiday. I could have slept in!!!

This is more serious than I thought. Time to re-group - right after I get a nap.

Reg

I’m sure you’ve already heard that Archie got pranked yesterday. And today, when the basketball team went to practice, there were no basketballs in the gym. They mysteriously vanished. After a 30 minute search, they were finally found locked inside the band room.

So, I began compiling a list of all the people who I have pranked over the past year or so, and anyone else who I think might have a reason to get even with me. I was disturbed to find that everyone I know in Riverdale is on this list!

What does this mean?

Today I was sitting in Professor Flutesnoot’s class – bored to tears – thinking about The Riverdale Prankster - which is what everyone is calling the mysterious person behind this amateur mayhem. And it hit me –

Security cameras! There must be a video record of at least SOME of these incidents. Right? I’m going to call Svenson and see if I can get a look at the school tapes. Then I will have PROOF that it is NOT me!

Am I brilliant or what?

The Reg

I called Svenson; he’s even harder to understand over the phone than he is in person. But he let me in to see Riverdale High’s security tapes. Know what I found?

LG and Alex made a very good point. Everyone, and I do mean EVERYONE reads my blog due to 1) my stellar personality and 2) because it’s the most interesting blog in the history of blogs. (I don’t think that’s an overstatement, do YOU?)

I assumed that my FANS are my only readers; apparently, the Riverdale Prankster hangs on my every word, too!

Time to use this to my advantage. Give me a minute…

Reg

P.S. R.I.P. Reggiekins – a fine snail.

My new code is working. Two interesting things happened today. At lunch, Jughead chose chicken nuggets over spaghetti. That’s a first. And Professor Flutesnoot interrupted his lesson to tell us a long boring story about his childhood (like, who cares!) BUT this was the interesting part – he visited his uncle’s chicken farm.

Coincidence? I think not. This proves that – on some subliminal level – the guilty party/parties are trying to break my new code. Here is today’s code word:

Sona, you are a genius. This DID start before Christmas, when I was "volunteered" for that gift wrapping gig! Now, if I can just figure out WHO volunteered me…

The Riverdale Prankster left me a calling card last night. It was after the Straw Drawing – yeah, I went, just to see if anyone let an important clue slip. I walked out to my car; I parked it about a block away from Pop’s. There on the hood, sat a tiny Velociraptor. You know, a toy. Someone put it there.

Note to TRP: I will figure out who you are. It’s just a matter of time.

The Reg

P.S. Oh yeah, I also wanted to say, thank you, Parnasha. That is the nicest comment I think I have ever received… that included a rodent in it. Happy Year of the Rat, one and all!